Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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