just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
