Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
