My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize