Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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