it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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