that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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