I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
