Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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