my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
