she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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