handjob tips. give me some.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
