after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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