even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
