Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
