Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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