Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize