we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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