Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
