I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
