Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
