Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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