Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
