It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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