I showed him my bush... on skype.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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