It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize