like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
