It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
