Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
