I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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