i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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