I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize