Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
