Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
