I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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