i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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