apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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