If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
