wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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