Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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