Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
