is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
