I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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