Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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