Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
