I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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