I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
