My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
