Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize