Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
