you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
