Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
