Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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