I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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