I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bring money and cleavage
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Houston, we have a blender
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
