She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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