I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
