I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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