I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
