so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
