oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
