you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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