my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
