Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
