I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
