i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
