Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
