Already got asked if we're dating
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
