Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
