It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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